I once had a nightmare. I was a Damien Hirst work. Formaldehyde covered my body but i could still ear and see people looking at me and taking pictures. Than my boss came in and told me i was fired cause i didn’t show up at the office. I could feel my blackberry vibrating in my pocket but i couldn’t reach it. I would have told him i was a Damien Hirst work and i was famous , but i couldn’t.
The next day i got fired for real. So i called Damien and told him i needed to became one of his works now, but he told me i was dumb. Asked him for money than, but he said no. Asked him for a few paintings for free so i could resell them and get rich, but he said Bono Vox got all the ones that were supposed to be given away for free. I begged for an interview for this snobbish magazine than. He said yes.Damien Hirst hates me now but at least he answered my questions. Damien is a wonderful human being even though he hates me. You’ve got to love the art , bastards!

Parli inglese? L’intervista in italiano qui

CS) Yo Damien, I woke up kinda late today, I love to stay up until late night taking sleeping pills. What time did you wake up today?
Damien Hard to say because I actually haven’t slept yet.

CS) Are you a busy person? How do you spend your days?
Damien I wouldn’t say I am busy but ironically I keep running out of time. And my days are mostly spent in the way that at the end of the day I can only wonder if I was even living it.

CS) We all know what the dictionary or wikipedia say and we need a new definition. What is art?
Damien I think we don’t really need a definition for art. In fact I think we don’t even need art at all anymore. In the end it is quite stupid to define something that only exists in the way we want it to exist.

CS) What is the opposite of art?
Damien Ironically I think that today the opposite of art is actually the art itself.

CS) So, you’ve been trying to make it cheap but could you still do this is you weren’t so-not-cheap?
Damien Everything has its purpose and meaning. If I was not Damien Hirst then you’d not be asking me this, right?

CS) Why Paris Hilton?
Damien Because she has more money than god.

CS) I’ve bought a Damien Hirst postcard for 1 euro. Could I tell my friends I’ve bought a piece of art?
Damien Not just a piece. You bought the whole art. For just 1?. Sounds like a great deal to me.

CS) As a conceptual artist most of your art is based on ideas. How many ideas per day do you have?
Damien I am always more interested in the ideas that I don’t have rather than those I have.

CS) Is Cartrain an attention whore?
Damien No. He just believes that art make sense. Who could blame him.

CS) What are you working on right now?
Damien Creating small sculptures that I am going to call “Art is for kids”.

CS) How would you like to die?
Damien With dignity.

CS) Thanks a lot for your time, leave us with one last artistic message for the Italian readers.
Damien You should all marry Sarah Maple.

CS) Got some suggestions on sleeping pills too? Xanax stopped working for me.
Damien Why would you want to sleep anyway?

CS) Did the english Damien Hirst ever got in touch with you? You know it’s something I wanted to ask you first but I wanted people to realize things later.
Sometimes we just needs names..
Damien No, but thanks to you maybe he’ll do that soon. Lol. And yes, I agree. It keeps amazes me how some people still can’t see things as they are but they see them as they want to see them. They trust a name more than they trust the facts.

Cover by Diego Soprana

Image and video courtesy of Damien Hirst